Dream about Tom

I was loading my car, and I noticed someone sitting in the drivers seat. All I could see was the posture and a big thick long beard. I knew it was Tom right away. I guess it was the way he was sprawled low in the seat with his left leg outside the car. As I leaned in to look I saw he was playing music on a saw. It sounded just as you would expect from Tom. He had that kinda ha ha smile on his face. Then he popped out of the car, which was now parked along a cliff at the ocean.

He leapt high in the air (much higher than humanly possible) and over the cliff. It was a joyous leap. He laughed that hearty HA HA I got you kinda laugh. He was so happy and free, as he glided toward the ocean.

More from Bob Barrie

It's two weeks since I last wrote something, but Tom's been on my mind almost every day. Hanging out with him was a large chunk of my childhood. It doesn't help that I am doing parent day care at least two or three days a week, dealing with both beloved parents at once, both are obstinate and often lucid by turns and then loving, then difficult. Mom really is into sweets these days, hates Meals on Wheels that Dad enjoys, she eats the cookies and cake, Dad eats the sandwiches and veggies. My girlfriend, an Ann Arbor native, Wendy (Scheu) Beth, recently heard all of this...

I go by your old house on Cambridge frequently. Somehow keep peering up into the windows to see if there's a familiar face, but it's been how many years since your father left AA for San Francisco and his family?

Tom and I invented a risky but thrilling game as little kids. You may have been there. We were in Burns Park and were climbing trees. The fir trees were fine with many limbs and you could climb up high very quickly, but the sap from the bark was sticky and rubbed into your hands easily. There were elms and maples too. There is still the maple that Tom and I climbed and found that if you went out on a sturdy branch, hand over hand, hanging from it, the branch would flex and bend and one branch in particular would gently let you down almost to the ground. The "Mommy" branch, it came to be known, and it was the "Mommy tree." I've told my nephews and nieces and girlfriends about it for decades. There we were, high overhead, me and Tom Wehrer, hanging on that silly branch, but screaming for "MOMMY!" Passers by in the age range of reasonable adults would come running, expecting the kid on the branch to be in great peril; and we'd drop to the ground and laugh. The adult, chagrined at being fooled by the hanging kid, would stalk away. At the time, we thought it was pretty darn funny.

And so the game went, until one day, the branch broke, and Tom, of course, was the one who fell. And he cut his chin, needing stitches. And your Mom was the Mommy who wasn't at all happy with the game, and me in particular, as I was a year older (and wiser?).

Your Mom took Tom to the doctor and instructed me to watch the kids: Paula, Lisa, Steve. I called my Mom for help. She said: "Read to the kids until Mrs Wehrer returns." So I did. I'd forgotten this, but Mom told me her half of the story about a month ago. She said she walked down to your house and found me on a bed with you three and I was reading Dr Seuss, and she figured you were safe, and walked back up Lincoln. I have no recollection of me reading to you all. Some time later, the broken branch was cut from the tree, and the stub is still there on the same tree, you can see it just off Wells Street at Martin Place.

I think Tom had a scar on his chin for some time. A reminder of a risky game. We repeated something similar in your yard jumping off a swingset, and again, Tom got hurt, and your Mom reminded me to be kinder with her son. We also got four of us in the fishnet hammock on the porch and swung it so wildly that we all crashed into the window and broke it, though I'm not sure if any of us got hurt. Risk taking was in my blood, as I've survived skiing in Colorado avalanche back country, rock climbing, and lately, riding motorcycles.

By the way, I still owe Martha an apology for another imbecilic incident that evidently I was responsible for: dumping water into the mailbox. Your father came out and scolded Martha, and asked where she got the idea. She promptly responded that "Bob Barrie told me to!" My brother John replayed that story to me when we were recounting Wehrer stories some time ago... So, hey, Martha: my sincerest apology for getting you in trouble!

Feel free to edit and post, if you wish. And all my best to you and your family...

Love,

Bob

So many memories of Tom Wehrer & family...

I'm really sorry I missed Tom's memorial service, as he was so large in life he could have walked from the pages of Jack Kerouac or Ken Kesey, but he was truly one better, an original original. So, my memories are mostly from 1957 or so through the mid-1970's.

Tom was one of the only kids I knew in elementary school where what we did for part of a summer was read autobiographies of famous Americans: Teddy Roosevelt, Eli Whitney, Clara Barton, and George Washington Carver. He was an intellectual so early on, we talked about whether there was a god and who Jesus was and wasn't, and why there was an antique barber's chair in the basement ("you spin in it and you can see the Universe," he said. "What's the Universe?" I asked. I'm still not so sure that simple dizziness produces cosmic consciousness.) When we were still at Burns Park, he gave me a bio of Ted Williams, because Tom was nuts about baseball and we went to Tiger Stadium and saw Rocky Calavito; Tom was ecstatic and laughed five miles when his toddler little brother, Stevie, could say "Rocky Calavito" in one breath. We took Steve in a wicker basket spoked wheel pram from their house at 1502 Cambridge and Paula, my brother John, and I and Tom climbed up on the Big Rock at Hill and Washtenaw to watch "cool cars" go by. There was no paint on the rock then.

In another summer in the earliest part of the 1960's, Tom and I with some of Tom's pals strolled down to the Blue Front in Ann Arbor and bought cigars for our fathers, we said, and went to the Arboretum and sat on a huge log over a ravine and smoked and saluted Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn for providing us with "inspiration." Halloween saw Tom's mom, Ann, carefully pasting black beards onto the faces of my brother John, and Tom, Paula and me, and we went out trick or treating, all of us under the age of ten, and we were certain adults saw us as the true beatniks we'd become later on in life...Tom already had bongo drums. It was glorious, imaginative, and you could always count on Tommy Wehrer (and his family) for an adventure.

My family had four kids, his had five, and we belonged to the same swim club so we sometimes crammed into one car to enjoy the summer in the pool out towards Ypsilanti; there were long stretches of countryside to appreciate on the way out, all gone now. I'd never had cowtongue for dinner until Mrs Wehrer asked me to stay one night and join the family, but I don't recall that I could stomach tongue. One of the things that will always stand out was how many people came and went at 1502. Tom had many friends, as did his siblings and parents, and there was always a party there, it seemed, especially as the years went by.
In the early 70's, I ran into Tom out front of his house, and we sat on railroad ties and he told me how soap works, and how soap was different from laundry detergent, and how the chemicals worked to break up dirt and grease. Ordinarily, I would have paid no attention, but Tom made it fascinating. Knowing him, he might have made up the whole thing, but I doubt it. His mind went in many directions and he knew some trivia and data about lots of things. I recall talking briefly with Joe that day, or sometime then, and chatting up my activities in college with protesting the Vietnam War, but the Wehrers were already there. Leaders of progressive thinking and action, after a fashion.
Years went by and then one day, as I was finishing grad school at the University of Michigan, there was another party at the Wehrer house, and Joe told me they all were moving to the Bay Area, to California. Soon the house was empty of the family, and someone else moved in. The neighborhood was never the same. My parents are now 85 and 89, and Dad has the nasty disease that saps the mind of clarity and lucid expression, and they are among the very last on Lincoln Street to be there...we moved in about 1957 to Lincoln Street, and Joe and Ann Wehrer moved in with Martha, Tom, Paula, Lisa and Steve, I think, about the same time. I sincerely miss them all, and I will always miss Tom. He was truly one of my best friends as a kid, and I hope one day to see him again... and we can finish our discussion about soap... Love to all of you in the family, and Wehrer friends, and those brilliant creative cinematographic and musical minds you'd find at 1502 Cambridge...

Speed bumps

The stretch of the road where Tommy was hit is a very bad stretch of the road. It is the first straight portion of the road after a long stretch of curves. This is why drivers try passing cars (and gringos on bikes) in this area. This would be bad enough but it is also a small village. The people of this village have wanted speed bumps installed for a long time. Shortly after Tom was killed they held a protest, although the protest was small it was a call to the officials to do something.

After Tom died we wrote to the officials asking that the speed bumps be installed so that the loss of his life could help this village. I am very please to share this photo that shows that the speed bumps have been installed. Hopefully Tom will be the last to lose his life on this stretch of the road.

Mexico Heaven

Deanne was telling Joel (my 5 year old grandson) about Tom's accident.

She was trying not to worry him, and make him feel safe, so she stressed that it was in Mexico far far away, and things were very different there. He said " Oh No, is he in Mexico heaven far far away?" Deanne assured him he was in regular heaven with everyone else.- p

Tommy's Mexico Slideshow

Tom's memorial slideshow

Song to Tommy

Here are the lyrics to the song I sang on Sunday. You can read the lyrics, hear it sung and view a picture of Tommy at http://chrismary.com/tommy/

TOMMY

by Christopher Faust

I wanted to ask you
How's it going?
You always seemed to be the kind of guy
Knows which way the wind is blowing

So, I went to ask you
Drinking coffee with the pack
But like wind, you were gone again
And I still expect you back

Now you're parked in Valhalla
Was your ship towed away?
Complain to the angels
They’ve got all day

Surfing with the saints
On a sea of blue clouds
Hang ten until tomorrow
I hear you laughing out loud

Not that we were such close friends
Didn’t matter anyway
Just came to depend upon each other as a reminder
Of what gets us through each day

Swapping bs in some basement
Trading tales and battle scars
How we quit the bars, drive a rocket car
To a place out in the stars

Now you're parked in Valhalla,
Was your ship towed away?
Complain to the angels
They’ve got all day

Surfing with the saints
On a sea of blue clouds
Hang ten until tomorrow
I hear you laughing out loud
I hear you laughing out loud
I hear you laughing now

Tommy Tsunami - a poem by Betty Johnson

Betty read this poem that she wrote at the memorial - sorry we don't have a tape of her reading but here is the poem.  click on the text and it will enlarge.

memorial

What a beautifully touching memorial. There were tears, there were laughs.
Tom, you would have been so proud of your wonderful family and friends who were so touched
by your life. I have a feeling you were listening.
You were a lucky man to have so many love you so much!
Beth

Happy Birthday Tommy

It won't be the same without you. love you- p

Post Memorial

Well the memorial was Sunday. Tom would have been impressed. I think about a hundred and fifty people came and showed their respects. Many people spoke and it was very moving.

We were able to skype the whole thing to Moire. Which I know made me feel much better.

I think it was great for her too to be able to be here in some fashion.

Martha made a great slideshow which is on utube, of pictures of his life. See Tom's life in pictures post below for the link. We had pictures up everywhere.

I am sure we will post pictures from the memorial soon. I also made a slide show of our trip to Mexico if there is interest I can talk to Martha about putting it on utube as well.

Thank you so much to everyone who came and shared and traveled far to console us.- p

another comment I didn't want buried

from Mike Schindler

mikess said...

Aloha; I met thomas in 1959 when my family moved into the Burns Park neighborhood. My most cherished memories are my Burns Park years. There must have been a hundred kids per age during the sixties in Burns Park area. Thomas, Jay williams and Chris Edwards were the first "braddas" that I met. Almost instantly myself and my brother Steven became friends with Thomas, Willy and Chriswards along with Marc Ross, Brad Jones and a host of other boys our ages. Thomas was the "joker" always willing to instigate a good joke or rascally boy mischief. The weather balloon bomb was one of many rascally things we did. One summer day we ended up at the Wehrer`s house in Burns Park bored and looking for "action". I noticed a large lifeless balloon on the kitchen table. Thomas said it was a weather balloon. Our collective brains took about a half second to decide to fill that large balloon with water and drop it out Thomas`s third floor bedroom window. We went outside filled up the balloon to the size of a huge jello like watermelon. The four of us- Thomas, Willy my brother Steve and myself managed to pick the gargantuan water balloon up and looking like a huge sidewinder crab. Started the perilous ascent up to the third floor. At the third floor we decided to take a break and rest the balloonator on top of a banister. Immedietly we knew this was a bad idea. Because the balloon was so full it was like carrying a fifty pound jello balloon. The balloonator made a viscous roll over the banister and plummeted three floors down and exploded on the hardwood foyer floor. We look on in stunned silence as we watched about five gallons of water spill all over. Like an indoor tsunami.(what a beautiful site- sorry Joe, but is was cool) That instant Mr Wehrer came thru the doors to witness the devistation. (Joe you came within seconds of death by water balloon). Mr wehrer turned a beet red looked up at all of us and demanded that we come downstairs and explain what the heck we had done. Our feeble attempt fell on deaf ears as Mr. Wehrer told us to clean it up. So after we used every towel and fan in the house the tsunami was cleaned up. We all decided that our "work" was done for the day and went home. Another glorious day in Burns Park. I will always and forever remember Thomas as my friend, bradda and sometimes partner in rascally boy crimes. A Hui Hou Bradda Thomas Mike S Schindler whiskeymike25@hotmail.com

Tom's life in pictures

I tried to get the slide show directly to the blog but can't figure it out instead I put it on you tube - check it out.  Memorial pictures to come - it was a lovely tribute to an amazing man. I apologize for the lame music transitions.  Well never mind the music - not licenced - they muted it.  Imagine some Otis Redding, Stevie Wonder, Spinners, Sam and Dave and the song Alfie.

Go to: Tom's life in pictures

Memorial Parking

If parking is difficult there is a lot of parking 2 blocks away on Dublin at Brazil behind the school.

Moire

I am so sad to post that Moire did not get on a plane. We will tape the Memorial for her.

The Volcano did stop her form getting here, but it won't stop us from sending her our heartfelt sentiments. We love you Moire.

Moire and the Volcano

Toms wife Moire is in Ireland. She was due to arrive Thursday, but has had flight after flight canceled. She has remained optimistic. I was devastated when she called last night after another cancelation. She has talked to everyone she can, every airline, the police.

She is at the top of everyones lis tot get out, yet she remains.

She has probably about 12 more hours to get on a plane before she misses the memorial all together.

Lets pool all of our positive energy and will her onto a plane.

Start now and don't stop!

Moire we love you.

Tom at the movies

Tom knew how to watch a movie. He had all his receptors going full time and could vividly recall films he enjoyed in great detail. Setting the scenes and characters and frequently acting at the best parts. I believe his favorite movie was the Coen brothers ,"Miller's Crossing", a movie I too thought highly of. Tom particularly identified with role played by Gabriel Byrne as the son of a Boston mob boss.

Sometime within the past two years, Tom had run into a filmmaker here in SF who was taken with Tom and had him, in effect, play himself in a film. Does anyone know who that was and if the film was ever finished?

Swimmers Itch

Listening to Otis preparing for the memorial. Sure does make Tom present.

ok- swimmers itch. There was "the lake" a small abandoned resort on a lake near Jackson Michigan. The Loving family had rented it for the summer. It was fantastic. It had cabins, a hotel, a ballroom all on a nice lake. Tom and some friends had camped out there early on in the summer. The rest of the family was picking him up the next day, and spending the day there.

When we arrived Tom was insane. I remember him pounding the roof of the car demanding to be brought home immediately. He was hysterical. He was itchy. We all thought it was mosquito bites. We were there to enjoy the day. It was a beautiful summer day. I remember Steve could not swim for some reason, I think a stitches perhaps. He was so bummed out. Well we all went in swimming. We all started to itch. To get relief, we went back in the water. We eventually figured out the more we swam the itchy we were, and that the then lucky Steve did not itch. So we did some calling and found it was "swimmer itch" Stay out of the water- a little late for that - shower off - well it was also too late for that. There is a small window of time that the flat worm larve is in the water and will get under your skin. Each spot itches ALL the time until it dies in several days. For days we were all as crazy as Tom was that morning as our skin literally crawled. Poor Marty Bush was along and in addition to the itch she got terribly sunburned, so couldn't even scratch herself. Ah, good times...

Sympathy for the Devil

The memories of Tom I woke up with are of the period of time when he would blast the Rolling Stones Sympathy for the Devil over and aver all day, up on the third floor in his messy room with the walls all painted black.

Desert Island

This just popped into my head. Once when Daniel (Tom's nephew, Lisa's son)

was young, maybe 8 ish (daniel can you confirm?) the question in the table was"who would you pick to be stranded on a desert island with" Daniel surprised me by immediately picking Tom.He pointed out his resourcefulness and willingness to do anything. Plus I think he found Tom to be just way cool.- p

Another Wild Ride

I remember, though not very well as you will see as you read on,

the time when Tom Tried to show us how easy it was to jump of our second story roof of our house in Ann Arbor. He somehow made an arc and fell through the picture window below.

I am not sure who was there, but between some yelling at him, and some laughing at him, he got mad and took off for the hospital on his motorcycle, with his broken bloody leg hanging out to the side. I think this happened when our parents, Lisa and Steve were on a road trip through Mexico. The picture of him on his bike I do remember well. He had to have his cast put back on twice, because he couldn't take it and sawed it off himself. If I not mistaken, I think Janet Galardi was working at the hospital at that time and was instrumental in making him get the cast put back on . Are you still reading this Janet? Can you confirm or deny? Or add anything to this story?

Pioneer Class of 1970

The pioneer Class of 1970 has a facebook page with a link to this blog, and a few comments

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?v=wall&gid=207328715573

Rolf Wucherer

I knew Tom for only one year of school, I think, back when I was in 6th grade at Burns Park School. I was wrapped up with being an outsider and socially awkward; Tom was a weird, energetic entity that I couldn't figure out, but I remember him fondly. Rest in peace, Tom.

Dave Taylor

Tom was a kind, intelligent, creative, gifted, vigorous person who was well loved by many people since his childhood in Burns Park through his adult life in California. My fondest memories of Tom were playing his drums in his room on the 7th floor of the Wehrer home at the corner of Cambridge and Lincoln, and attending the Rolling Stones concert wtih him at the Masonic Temple. Tom was one of the original "hippies," and his paradigm and approach to how he lived his life was unique. Tom was a divergent thinker, and helped those who knew him to have fun and enjoy life more. I will always fondly remember our time together, and wish his family and friends comfort and condolence for their loss

One month

It has been one month today.

Seems so much longer.

Seems so much shorter.-p

ROAD TRIPS

Some of my fondest memories are from our family road trips from Ann Arbor to New Jersey, to visit our Dad's family. Tom normally enjoyed reducing Lisa and myself to tears. Which wasn't too hard, but he would tease and hit us and incessantly use use as his drum set. In the car (in front of our parents) he would relent, and include us in his games. He was very entertaining on those 12 hour trips. There were 7 of us. Tom dubbed Steve"the roving crowder" as at every rest stop Steve being the youngest and smallest would be switched from front to back seat, thereby crowding whoever he sat with.

Steve was so cute, we all really wanted him in our seat. - p

Early Memories

Having run out mexico tales to tell, i thought i would look back for some memories and work my way forward.

One of my most vivid memories was when I was in kindergarten.

Tom had skipped a grade, so he was in 3rd grade. apparently he was acting like a 5 year old,

so they sent him to spend the rest of the day in kindergarten. As fate would have it, my class.

Oh how excited i was to get out of class and tell the whole world!

On the walk home from school he threatened to beat me, kill me, anything he could think of.

I can still feel the inner satisfaction i felt that day as i told him," there is nothing you can do.

I am telling. " I felt i finally had the upper hand. I am grinning to myself even as i write this- p

Drive by visits

During the last couple of years of his life Tom began a study of Buddhism. This helped him. He became a much more thoughtful individual. It was so nice to see him striving for self-knowledge. He found comfort in his quest for knowledge. I think he felt like he had finally found people that had had thoughts that he hadn’t. He had a tremendous respect for the thoughts themselves and the individuals that had had them.

I work in Sausalito on the third floor of the building. Tom would drive up in front of my building, double park, and jump out of his car and yell “Lisa”. I’d open my sliding glass door and step out onto the balcony I’d arrange to meet him for a conversation at the park 2 blocks from my office. We would sit and discuss Buddhism interspersed with whatever rant he was fighting down that day. Self-knowledge doesn’t come overnight and he often had to rant about his life before he could gather himself and get back to topic. I will miss his drive by visits. Who would have ever guessed that Tom and I could have found such peace with one another?

This was always one of my favorite photos of Tom. He looks so healthy and happy.

a few more comments I want to make sure people see

from Steve Schindler

I am so very sad to hear of Thomas's demise. He and I had been trying to reconnect after many many years. He last called me from PHX on his way down to Mexico. I apologized for not hooking up with him when his son passed. He was so gracious and kind. He was totally excited about going South to surf. Thomas was the first guy of the Burns Park kids to do so many things, play drums, skateboard,take apart cars and motorcycles, drive cars and motorcycles, ski, listen to JimiHendrix. He was so freakin smart and charming it was scary. All the mom's always liked Thomas, he just had that killer smile and happy go lucky attitude with life. I remember being as his home around Xmas in 7th of 8th grade. He was wrapping a album cover as a present to give to one of his sisters. Of course he included a note saying that he was listening to the actual album..I think is was the Doors. Thomas athleticism could best be characterized a a Gumbylike ability to contort into or through any space. I also remember walking with Tom down Wells street on our way to Jay Williams house. Everytime we walked by the fence of one particular house we would try to walk the whole length of th top of the fence. He could always do it I struggled. On this particular occaision I fell and Tom laughing hystericaly told me I need to work on my STELLAR BALANCE. HE then proceeded to explain that we were all connected to all things in the universe. Therefore we only need to sense the connections and we would always be in balance. This was Back in 6th grade 1966? way way way before Carlos Castenatta. I can say with no hesitation that I loved that man as a brother from the first day I ever met him. Dola

From Janet Galardi Popper

A Tribute to the Man Who Turned Me on to Otis Redding

Thomas Wehrer
skinny boy
moving fast
sly eye smile

40 years or more since this crystal clear memory
Try a LIttle Tenderness
that's what you said
just try a little tenderness
xxooxx,
galardi

From Moire:

On our Honeymoon we stayed in a lovely little town in Ireland called Dingle in Co.kerry.We decided to go horse back riding.Tom seemed happy about doing this so off we went.We found a riding stable and picked out our horses.The guide was in front,Tom then me.I was looking around at the beautiful scenery then I noticed Toms riding skills.He was bouncing up and down so out of rythem to the horse.I called out to him and when he turned I saw the anguished look on his face.Well that was it for me I started to laugh and did'nt stop all through the rest of our trip. He was so sore.Everytime we came across horse stables we would laugh so hard.That day I did wet my pants laughing.

Tom droppings

Tom would pretty much drop in much like a tornado. Everything would be calm and good and then Tom would show up for his 10 minutes (he knew no one could take him for much longer - although he started lengthening out his stays in the end). Paula coined the phrase "Tom droppings" for the detritus that would remain after he left - empty coffee cups, cigarette butts, laundry, various pieces of electronic equipment in disrepair, pink plastic eyeglasses...

Mexico Wrap up

Well that is pretty much the end of the mexico story.
I was very unsure about going, but I am very glad I went. Glad I saw where he was.

Glad he made an impression on so many people there. Glad he was so happy there.

Glad Lisa talked me into going. Glad Paul was there. Glad Woody was there. Glad Daniel was there. And I am glad Lisa is always there for me.- p

On posting comments

Some people have had trouble posting comments.

If you get an email of a post, or comment and hit reply, it will not post.

You need to be on the blog, and hit comment button.

Perhaps this will help.

If I find other possible causes I will post them later- p

Has anyone heard from...

Thinking back to the Ann Arbor days, I am wondering what became of some people.

Has anyone heard from Doug Case?

Chris Daly?

TR (Tom Riser)

I got a very touching note from D D (Gray)Leffler

She sends her thoughts to the whole family- thanks DD I will call you soon- p

Just received an entry from Tom's Aunt Betty:

Got Martha's e-mail and I tried to send a response twice but it did go through. I'll give you my favorite memory of Tom.

As a young tgeenager and after he would sit on the arm of
grammy's chair and put his arm around her and rub her arm.
I don't remember any other grandchild doing that.

Hope all goes well at the memorial.

Who is out there?

I know some people are checking out this blog who are not signed in as contributors or followers.

Which is great it is for everyone.

I case you don't know, you don't have to sign in to hit the comment button and comment on a post.

Comment on this post, let us know you are out there!

Thanks

Ann Arbor Friends

I just got an email from Jay Williams.

He, Steve Schindler, Karen Lu, and Chris Ross all plan on coming out.

That is so nice !

Mexico Day 3 part 6

So Daniel and Woody wanted to do a little boogie boarding, but it was late in the day and they were having trouble finding ones to rent. We went back to the Sayulita Surf School and they

agreed to stay late and gave them boards. They told them to take Tom's surf board, but they did not. I think Woody kind of regrets that now.
I am glad we went back, because this man told how impressed he was with Tom. Tom had converted his skate board to a surf board trailer for his bike. The guy kept saying, "he had a good head, a good head" The school owner had it and he wanted to show us, but could not find it.
He did however, draw us this picture in the sand. May not sound or look like much here, but I will never forget it.-p

Martha missing Tom

Tom was the only person who called me Marty.

His passing is so huge in one way and in another, he had whittled away his life to a broken down car, a pawned surfboard and a motorized bike he had to pedal - like he reached his vanishing point. He did still have his enviable lust for life and adventure though, and I'm thankful that he was around as long as he was and that he was so happily pursuing his dream.

I'm loving the stories from everyone.  One of the stories was the one about being somewhere he probably shouldn't have been, and being shot through the head (luckily a fairly small caliber bullet). He drove himself to the emergency room ( it was nearby) and shouted at the staff "Save me! I have kids" Somehow, the bullet caused no real damage but it set Tom on a course to change his life. He enrolled in San Francisco State University and finally finished his BA in some field like molecular biology - he was going to cure cancer. Then he went on for a double masters which I'm not sure if he finished but it turns out he wasn't much good at the corporate job world so he ended up being probably one of the ony drywall tapers or wall paper people or bus wrapping people with a BA in molecular biology.

He always had a better way of doing things - before setting out for Mexico, he tried to get a job as a farm worker, cutting cabbage. They wouldn't hire gringos and he figured it was for the best because he would have taught them a thing or two about picking cabbage.

Love that guy, miss him, can't believe there will be no more new Tom stories - please keep the old stories coming.

Martha

Life with Tom

I had the pleasure of sharing part of life's journey with Tom Wehrer. The road could be bumpy, the ride always took longer then planned, especially if we took one of Tom's shortcuts. Tom would drive you crazy, but it was always loads of fun and never boring. Never was a man who loved the road more then Tom, and sad as I am over his passing, I know he was out doing what he loved, enjoying life, driving to new places, surfing and biking, and no doubt, spinning yarns.

We did three long road trips to Oklahoma together, and despite some friction, it will never be the same without him along, with his ready smile, his enthusiasm for trying everything and his generous giving heart.

I will miss you always, my brother, but your spirit always be there with me. There will never be another like you.

My cat Biscuit, who simply LOVED Tom, is literally standing on the keyboard as I write this, and purring up a storm, maybe he's saying his farewells with me.

Memorial Slide Show

We are working on a slide show for the memorial.

If you have any pictures you want to share please email them to:

mb@marthabruce.com

thanks

Mexico Day 3 part 5

The third place we inquired we talked to this young man, who knew Tom. Tom had sold his board here to the Sayulita Surf School. He said he would be back to get it. I think he planned to fix his car, then get his next check and buy it back. Several of the young men who where doing flips came over and enthusiastically told us how happy he had been there.
The surf board rack with his board in it.
Tom's board will be surfing the waves in Sayulita without him.

mexico Day 3 part 4

Having done our business, we were once again drawn to Sayulita. We noticed Tom's surf board was not in with his belongings. We thought he may have sold it to get car parts, so we asked around. We saw these young men downing flips off this box, incredible energy one after another

it seemed as if they did it all day everyday, I don't know.
We saw this guy with a Jay Williams shirt. Many of you may know him as a basketball star, I just took it as a sign Tom's long time friend Jay Williams was with us in spirit.

an email from Pat Oleszko

what incredible and heartbreaking news about tom. thank you for giving the backstory and having the ability to put it in a perspective that i can only admire for the sadness that you must have right now. tom was unforgettable even if i haven't seen him in years, i still nurture the vivid memory of his long lank loveliness and quiet charm. i remember one evening dancing with him at your house on cambridge during the festival thinking, wow, love the parents, love the kids, what a house. and that will stay with me forever. i am happy to think that he went quickly and also actively pursuing a dream with all the craziness he could muster.

much love to you all

pat 

Sly eyes and nice smile

The last time I saw Tom was about 20 years ago at Lisa's house in San Francisco. However, my fondest memories of Tom were from the mid 70's in Ann Arbor. I recall those impressive baseball games at vet's park on a humid summer evening or playing backgammon. I am sure I never won. I will never forget those fabulous Wehrer House parties, somehow Tom would manage to pull off another ... just one last party.

Tom was always up for something unexpected and new. He will be missed.

This was the April 1976 Wehrer family calendar photo

Mexico Day 3 part 3

Lisa fingerprinting away the rights to the tsunami mobile.
They allowed Lisa alone to go see the car in the impound. It was an ominous feeling as this big blacked off gate closed behind her.
Here it is. We think they made the hole to get his stuff out.

boogie boarding with David and Carla

OK - not great image quality but I've always loved these pictures.  I guess I really don't know how to scan slides.

Mexico Day 3 part 2

Here we are in the DA's office. Not all we expected.
This is the DA I wish we had a picture that showed just how young he looked, in his ripped up jeans.
The contents of Tom's car had been moved to the DA's office. It made it a bit easier to go through. We brought back mainly books. He had framed pictures of David and David and Carla.

He had a wedding album, and his wedding candle, which had melted and reformed a time or two. Lisa searched all is pockets for a nail clipper that had been David's that Tom treasured. Sadly we did not find it. Tom's wet suit was still wet.

this picture grabs me for some reason

I'm not sure who took this picture - Paula? Nina?
but I love how he seems to be in mid sentence - he was usually in mid sentence.

 Maybe I like the ruggedness of Tom next to the sleek silver car?

I have to say, I'm feeling a huge sense of calm knowing that Tom doesn't have to work so hard anymore.

Memorial Information

The memorial announcement is posted below.

The facts are:

2 pm Sunday the 18th April

1220 Russia Ave, San Francisco, CA 94112

415 337 9634

pjemail@earthlink.net

Taper Tom

Martha's classic photo of Tom at work

Mexico Day 3

Our appt was changed to the afternoon. Had we know we may have lingered in San Blas.

We were struck be many cultural differences. These are pictures on the way to the office.

This is the view from the office.

The DA was very young looking, wearing ripped jeans and a t-shirt.

We would have been beside ourselves if we did not have Woody there with us translating.

Mexico Day 2 conclusion-

We left San Blas shortly after arriving. It had taken longer to get here than we thought.

We had a meeting with the DA near Puerto Vallarta at 8:00 am the next day,and we did not have a place to stay lined up.

We stopped in San Ignacio on the way down to place our modest cross.

The ground proved too hard, so we placed it on a fence a bit back form the street.

We (Paul) drove on down to Puerto Vallarta. We had a very difficult time finding a place to stay.

But we did manage to get settled.

Day 3 next...p

Missing Tom this evening

I really missing Tom as I get ready for the fantasy baseball draft.

Daniel, Tom and I had some good times on draft days in the past.

I am missing Daniel as well as he is sick. Hope he feels better soon.

Hope i don't humiliate myself going it alone-p

sly eye smile

I love Janet Galardi Popper's line about Tom's sly eye smile.  I think this photo shows off those eyes.

Memorial Announcement

Get the most from this blog

Be sure to check all the comments sections, especially under the contribute your thoughts and comments post, for full blog experience.

Feel free to post new section, since they are more visible.

Get Tom's friends involved- forward this blog.

Thanks for participating- M&P

San Blas Pics

Keep the posts and comments coming

It is so nice to hear from Tom's Ann Arbor friends !

One of the beauties of this blog is hearing from people we normally would not have connected with. Not sure I know Jean, but i love hearing form Karen, Steve and Janet!

Thanks Paula

a numbers game

Tom could always be seen as "one of a kind". An early tip-off was at the age of 5, before he could write numbers, he somehow, more or less on his own, learned to double numbers into the millions.

I took Tom to the opening of a Bendix research facility near the U of M North campus. The tour featured their new main Frame computer, that as a demonstration, doubled numbers starting with one for thirty days. In what seemed like a second or two, the number had risen to over 30 million. On the drive home, I asked Tom if he was impressed with the speed of the calculation. He was unimpressed saying he could run faster than the computer. I countered by pointing out that it was the speed of the calculation that I referred to and he quickly said he could do the same thing.

He started out with 1, 2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64, 128. 256, 512, 1024, 2048, with alacrity. By the time he was up to 131072, I was getting hard-pressed to verify his answers and began figuring how he was doing it and I began to catch on to his system. he was very animated about going on and continued at home.. At bedtime I promised to remember his last number, 4194304, and would let him go on in the morning. I did and he continued until he reached somewhere in the 30 million range.

Along with tree climbing and courting danger, Tom had been interested in big numbers and I had introduced him to tens, hundreds, thousands, tens and hundreds of thousands and millions and billions with little expectations that it had stuck. I was amazed that he came to that skill without having been taught either addition or multiplication. Whether right or wrong, I chose not to focus on this aspect of his capabilities and stressed overall social, athletic, and educational interests.

Some comments that have been left that I'm afraid people won't see

From Karen Lu on March 26
1971 or was it 72? it was a warm ann arbor evening. tom and I out, not doing much, just listening to the radio. then Otis came on. tom joined and I still remember him singing "sittin on the dock of a bay" to me. It touched then and still resonates almost 40 years later.

From Jean Morgan Compton on March 27:
Tom and I were friends in high school~the same class. We also both went to UofM. We got together for a date, 72-ish. He picked me up in a (did he have a red MG?)He took me to the AA Experimental Film Festival at the old art/arch building on Main campus. Pat Olesko performed that night. Then we went for a few beers at the Del Rio. It was a wonderful evening and I'll always remember enjoying Tom's company. That was the last time I saw Tom. Almost 40 years later and I always wondered what happened to him. You never forget Tom.
I'm Jean Morgan Compton; some of you might know me better as the sister to my more famous musician brother, Scott. But, Tom and I were classmates. Lots of fun memories from HS as well. Nice to see pics and hear his voice. Still in MI. Wish I could be there for the Memorial but have an oldest daughter graduating from EMU. Best, Jean

From Betty Leach (Lu) on March 26:
I hadn't remembered the surf board and black room until I read this. What I remember is the drum set in his room. I also remember one night we girls, Theresa, Martha and I, were hanging around in Martha's room and Tom came in just after taking a shower, with only a towel wrapped around him. He started telling us about when he was skiing and, of course, being very animated, right when he "jumped down the hill" his towel fell off. We all giggled and thought it was so cute and funny. I think he was in 8th grade.

From Lisa Anderson on March 26:
When Tom first became interested in surfing I decided that I would save up my money and buy him a surf board. I remember writing a letter to Grammy telling her that I was going to save up all my money until I could buy Tom a surf board. I think I was going for $100. She sent me money towards my goal. I can't remember if I ever managed to get the funds but I remember that I wanted to do this for him. This was clearly before he started tormenting me every morning I must have been around 10.

Mexico Day 2 San Blas

We had left the accident scene feeling a little like we should have left something there. On our way to San Blas, we stopped to gather sticks to make a cross. There on no sticks at all on the beaches. I think they just use everything. Dogs chase empty water bottles.

On arrival we had lunch at Alicia's Restaurant in honor of our and Tom's dear, and long time friend Alicia.

We made the cross here on the beach that Tom was so happy on.

More San Blas pics to follow- p

Mexico day two- leaving Sayulita

We wanted to go to San Blas where Tom had been so happy. On the way out of Sayulita

We stopped to inquire about where Tom's car had been broken down.
This is where the car spent the week.
We set off for San Blas with Tommy on our Dash. We thought it was 70 kilameters.

It was 70 miles, and a lot off the main road. 30 years ago Lisa had been to San Blas with my parents and our brother Steve. That time they encountered a caravan of RV's. So did we.

Paul did an incredible job of passing them all and getting us to San Blas. I was very grateful that Paul came and that he did all the driving. Anyway a little after he had managed to pass them all, Daniel said he had to pee, Paul said NO! I am not letting them pass me again. Well we got enough ahead and under threat of being left behind, Daniel was able to relieve himself. Pics from San Blas next- p

Sayulita day 2 continued

Lisa had the idea to light a candle for him in the church.So we gathered supplies and returned.

It felt like we were leaving him there.

Grundoon

A little known early knick name our mother used to call Tom.

A character form Pogo comic srtrip. A baby that spoke gibberish.

I think he got the name cause they both like to bite people.

Perhaps Dad can confirm?

First Impression

My first impression of Tom is when I was about 11 years old and first met Paula. Tom coming in her room and giving her a ration of words and actions, similar to pounding calimari on the cutting board, about I don't know what really, but he meant every word. In no time at all he would be gone, only to return later to give another thrashing or maybe a hug. Just never knew what to expect...and then once he came over to me and put his arm around me, gave me a hug, some advice, and was off........I remember being terrified!!!
Another old memory.....He was working on his motorcycle one day at the house in Ann Arbor and was so frustrated with it he was screaming..."OH GOD! OH GOD! HELP ME! HELP ME!" over and over again.....and so shortly thereafter the police arrived to the crime scene.
Marty

Mexico day two

We woke up in the morning wanting to experience Sayulita more and wanting to go to San Blas, that Tom had loved so much. We had had an appointment with the DA this day, Sunday, but it was changed, so we had the day free to explore.

Woody and Daniel were anxious to get in the ocean and ride the waves.

Lisa and I walked around town and met this fellow that had met Tom and did an excellent impression of the first time he saw Tom, cursing and stomping cause his motor bike was not working.More on day two soon...